I'm Grateful For Korean Thanksgiving

Please listen to this song. It's kind of what's kept me going in Korea sometimes.

Every little piece in your life

Will add up to one

Every little piece in your life

It will mean something to someone

So, to put it simply, living and working in Korea is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done. I've never been so challenged on a level so personal. I know that I've grown a lot in the past 3 or so years, and I was very confident in my ability to stay positive and upbeat about things even when they're hard; it's one of the things I'm most proud of in myself. But, Korea. Korea beat me down, and it beat me down hard.

Last week I had a relatively major meltdown and I really felt like I was at the end of my rope. I felt like every day I tried to come up with a new way to make that day at work go well.... and that almost every day something happened there that just completely undermined who I believe myself to be. Whether it's the way they approach teaching the kids, neglecting the love and care that they deserve for an 'education', or the way they treat me and the other teachers, or the way our boss abuses the concept of cultural differences to make us do things he wants, or the way that in all their ideas and methods, NOTHING ever makes sense.  I honestly felt like I had no resources left inside of me to combat the negativity that I felt at school. Yes, I care about the kids, but that can only get you so far when you feel the core of who you are being slowly taken from you. So my  question really became, where do you draw the line? Do you keep feeling like you're dying inside or do you quit? AH!

Thank heavens I never really had to make that decision. I am constantly amazed at the way timing works out in my life, and I feel so deeply comforted by the fact that clearly I am not the one who's in charge of these things.  I had to go to Seoul to take the GRE on Monday (after a 6-day work week... yuck), but I went up Sunday to spend time with Baeda and see some of the city and just relax away from Gwangju, and it made all the difference. The GREs went well, I felt encouraged by Beta and his fun group of friends there, and so armed with confidence and rejuvenation I came back to Gwangju.

As soon as I walked into school (I came straight from the bus terminal), our boss pulled me into the office (with the grin he gets on his face when he knows we won't argue with him about what he's going to say), and offered to let us take the next Friday as a vacation day. THIS IS IMPORTANT. We already had Tues-Thurs off for the Korean Thanksgiving (Chuseok), and we had worked last Saturday for Monday.

THIS MEANS A NINE DAY VACATION.  NINE. DAYS.
THIS MEANS SOUL HEALING.
THIS MEANS QUALITY TIME TO REFOCUS AND EVALUATE.

This means I get to get back to being me, and get ready to tackle this Koo-Koo place for another 3.5 months. And I get to do it with some of my best friends in this whole wide crazy world.

This Chuseok, I am SO THANKFUL for my friends. I am so thankful for my parents, who are the perfect amount of support and love and challenge from the angles I need, even all the way across the world. I am so thankful that I know I can do this. I am thankful for MOUNTAINS, where I will be next week when we visit Seoraksan National Park. And yes, in this case, I'm thankful for last-minute communication at school, because it gave me this nine-day gift of LOOOOVE and HAPPINESSSSS.

Anyway, that song I posted? It's really true. Every little piece of my life is gonna add up. And every little thing I do in that school WILL mean something to somebody. Whether it's one child or 20, it means something. And that comforts me.