Exploding Heart

So sometimes I think I'm in love with like 50 little kids. Well, maybe not 50, but there are definitely a special few that really keep me going through each day and in general through the whole teaching experience. Some of them speak excellent English, and a few of them are at a pretty low level, but charm my socks off nonetheless. It is just such a wonderful gift to be able to get into their lives in some way, and the moments when it comes back to you and you realize that a) they actually LIKE you, and b) they look at you as more than just a teacher are really really gratifying and moving.

Teacher's Day is this week-- it's apparently a big deal in Korea; kids make you little cards, bring you candy, presents, just love on you in general. WELL, Bess and I found out today that since it's on Saturday this year that likely means none of the kids will make a big deal out of it. We were SO BUMMED. BUT! One of my favorite students (Danny) came to the rescue! I walked into class and he had this red box with a flower pen stuck on top of it for me, and proceeded to rush me over to my desk so he could unwrap it for me... it was adorable! He (aka his mom) got me a few pairs of cute socks, but i mean they could have put a newspaper in there for all I cared.... there was a note on the top of the box that just made my heart explode, which is now hanging above my sink:

Anyway, all this to say these little adorable gestures mean the WORLD to me and give a lot of meaning to what I'm doing here :) Here are some more pictures: 

That's me and Danny :)

This is Rachel (reachel as she spells it), and the adorable note she gave me last week. Favorite line: "4th question: Maybe, do you have magic lamp. What can you do?"

Homage to Momage

Think about it for a second.

Someone takes full responsibility for you from the moment you are a thought in their head through whatever point you start taking your independence. No complaints. No regrets. Just love and support. So much sacrifice. They learn as they go, drawing the lines between being a parent and being a friend as we grow up and go through all of those icky/wonderful phases of childhood. If I ever really sit down and start thinking about this whole amazing aspect of humanity, my heart and mind honestly feel like they're just overflowing. It's amazing! It's awe-inspiring! And for the past few years it is something I have only just begun to appreciate in the way it should be appreciated.

I am so phenomenally fortunate to have the mother that I do. We relate to each other, we respect each other, we ENJOY each other, and I don't know about her but every time I talk to her things feel like they just sorted themselves into a manageable place again. When this whole Korea idea came up, and I was initially hesitant, Mom was the one who completely got behind it and encouraged me to take the chance. (Now, the reality of packing and getting on that plane was a different emotional story...) How can someone who has poured so much energy, time, love, resources, and wisdom into raising you be so unselfish as to encourage you to move thousands of miles away from her? Holy selfless love. My heart doesn't even know what to do with it all.

Anyway. I'm really far away from my Mom today, and I really love her and miss her. And if putting myself through the emotional roller coaster of trying to write down all the ways I love her and am blessed by her can convey how amazing she is, I'll take the tears gladly.

Reunion

I love those moments in life when you know there's forever going to be an "after this happened." I keep thinking about how dramatic that sounds, but how it is so true for me and so true for my experience in Korea.

So, a little background... back in 2004-2005 (my freshman year at EMU), my family hosted an exchange student from Korea named Joseph. We haven't been in touch for a few years, and when I moved here I was really concerned I wouldn't be able to track him down. I mailed him a letter after Dad found an address, but it was returned to me. I wasn't really sure where to go from there... and THEN! Joseph called my family almost 2 weeks ago out of the blue and they told him I was here! It was really a tiny miracle.... there hadn't been any contact for probably 2 years, and he called at the perfect time! We got in touch within a day, and last weekend I went up to Daejon to visit him and his family. It turns out he's going into the military (2 years of service is mandatory for all Korean men) in just a few weeks, so it was really amazing that we were able to see each other before he left! I've always been in awe of the way timing works out, and this was definitely one of those times.

Anyway, as I was on the bus ride up to see him late Friday night, I was starting to get nervous... I was really excited to see him again, but what if one or the other had changed so much we had nothing to talk about beyond a few hours of reminiscing or catching up? I felt like it would be a good experience regardless, but I had a few butterflies for sure. Not to worry. It was waaaay beyond what I thought it would be.

The whole weekend was just so filled with generosity, genuine caring, love, fun, good conversation, and so much laughing that I feel like I'm still processing it. His parents were the most loving, generous, and kind people. From the moment I arrived I was just BATHED in love and warmth and welcome, and it was all I could do to try and express my gratitude. This family almost single-handedly (well, there were 3 of them there), has made me want to REALLY understand Koreans and their culture.... not just deal with the frustrations, but to understand WHY the differences are there, and to learn how to respectfully and with appreciation learn about them. Not only was this visit important as a way of reconnecting with an old friend, but I'm beginning to realize just how crucial it was to my time here in Korea. The attitude adjustment that it's given me has changed everything, and I can feel so many of the frustrations and misunderstandings I had before with the culture just kind of fading as I'm trying to get to the bottom of the differences. I realize that I'm not going to fully understand a culture in one year- that would be so presumptuous, but I feel that now I have the mindset that will help me at least try and get there. I'm sure things will still bother me-- plans made at the last minute etc etc, but not nearly as much as before, and I really want to learn to respect the differences.

I think this weekend was really important in a lot of other ways too. The kind of people Joseph and his family are are the kind of people I want to be around... and they reminded me of the kind of person I want to be. They are so selfless... so loving, so understanding, and so giving. They love each other and God so much, it was really amazing to see. The weekend gave me a new perspective on relationships, on my faith, and on the way you can live your life. Wow.

Some really fun highlights of the weekend included:

• Showing Joseph how I can manage chopsticks on a mediocre level :)
• Seeing 3 photo albums-worth of pictures and hearing the stories that go with them
• Going to my first Wii room! You rent a teeny tiny room where you get to play on a Wii system! We played the Beijing Olympics game... and I (predictably) failed, but it was SO FUN.
• Going to see Clash of the Titans and being almost physically exhausted after watching such an intense film
• Biking on free public-use bikes down the streets of Daejon
• Playing with really over-the-top Korean photo booths where you dress up in costumes, pick silly backgrounds, and THEN decorate the picture with all kinds of sparkly graphics
• Coffee shop chats
• Telling fun stories about my family to someone who really understands just how funny they are :

So, anyway, that was my amazing weekend of love and fun. :) Joseph's going to come visit Gwangju (for the first time ever!) this weekend, so I'm really excited to show him my life in Korea, too! 

Also, here are some pictures from the weekend

Comes and Goes in Waves

What a roller coaster it is to live here and to work here. From one day to the next I'm never 100% sure how I'm going to feel about the experience or what kind of emotional arsenal I'll need to conquer the day. This is exhausting! I'm an emotional person , but even for me this can be a bit much... I find myself wondering (more often than I ever remember being conscious of the issue) just how much effort usually goes into just BEING. Am I over-thinking every little thing? Am I being dramatic/emotional? Am I really happy? Am I getting the most I possibly can out of this?

Oh, wait. WHO CARES?!?

Seriously. I moved to the other side of the world. I get to interact on a daily basis with beautiful little children (some more so than others) who all deserve attention and love and energy (that I sometimes don't have haha). For that reason ALONE this is all worth it, right?! Not to mention that OH MY GOODNESS I'm living abroad! Isn't this the kind of thing that I thought about daily as I sat in an office in DC, or when I was graduating college wondering where my life was going? I never in a million years thought I would SEE Asia much less live here. So my April 9 resolution (too late for New Years?): JUST BE. Appreciate where I am when I'm there, knowing that like everything else, it is temporary, and there is so much I can make from where I am right now. Addendum to that resolution: 'just be' without pressuring myself to be absolutely sucking every little bit of possibility out of every moment. Have your crazy adventure weekends, but remember that, yup, it's OK to stay in on a Friday the next weekend. Yup, it's OK to watch a several-hour chunk of TV if you want. Awesome. :) Like a really wise lady once told me, 'not every part of life is always going to be full'.... but at the same time, it's as full as you let it be. :) So there, over-thinking Kelsey. Take that.

(and please, remember it)

Chincha?!

I think this week is a good time to teach you all my favorite word I've learned since I came to Korea: Chincha.

So, it's fair to say that the phrase "REALLY?!?" is overused these days...am I wrong? I mean, it feels awesome to yell it, but I feel like since there's an SNL segment devoted to it... it's officially super trendy and mayyyybe sucking away my ability to expand my vocabulary.

Thank heavens for Korean.

"Chincha" is a phrase used JUST as frequently as "really," and certainly just as casually. I hear my students mutter it all the time (ah, teach-ah, chincha!), and it's one of the few words I can actually pick out if I listen to a Korean conversation. But to me it's a new and different word, and I think maybe that is all I needed to give myself the go-ahead on overusing and abusing one small piece of an otherwise huge and unknown language. :)

Anyway, the reason for clueing you all in to this word is this picture, taken from the window of my school on MARCH TENTH for goodness sake:

Can you see those huge flakes? Can you see the semi-substantial accumulation? CHINCHA, KOREA?!??! I was just getting ready for Spring! I was almost ready to retire my scarves (and that is SAYING something!) This week was a crazy week at work (holy drama), did you need to throw this one in the mix?!?!?! CHINCHA?!?!

In other news, the week wrapped up a lot better than I ever expected... despite our staff of 6 people going down to 4 in a matter of 2 days... turns out when one of the foreign teachers pulls a "runner" (leaves without notice to the school so that the school can't try and make them reimburse recruiting costs-- our bosses can be pretty obnoxious), they shape up and start treating the other foreign teachers to tourist tips, giving offers to take us places, and extra thank you notes on my lesson plans instead of just the usual signature.  :)

ALSO! Happy birthday in 2 days to Jess Hostetler, who loves birthdays more than anyone I know. :)

Rainy Days

So, now that the first post is out of the way... here's a fun story:)

Winter isn't a whole ton of fun if you're not skiing or cozy inside on a couch. The in-between season where it's just rainy and cold isn't a whole lot better... but there are definitely ways to make it awesome, especially if you've got some great friends. :) This past weekend Baeda came down to visit Bess and I, and contrary to our usual weekend-of-epic-proportion, we kept it reeealllyyy low-key. TWO movies in the theater (it's cheap here!), card games in cafes, and delicious drawn-out brunches. Not to mention.....

       a pirate fort.

Someone please tell me when that will EVER get old.

Better Late than Never?

It feels like 2 months is a long time to go without starting this blog that I had thought about before I left... I guess it was one of those things that gets more and more intimidating to do the longer you leave it alone. HOWEVER! After a double-team skype conversation today with my dear friends Emily and Sveta... I'm just gonna take the plunge. 

Where to start? I've been in Gwangju for 2 months now... and I don't really feel like I've dug in around here yet. I've 'adjusted' to living all alone (after going from years of group houses and my family and wonderful people all the time, this is a big deal), learned a few Korean phrases, made a bunch of children cry, been amazed at the generosity of the people here, been frustrated and angered by ways of operating that seem inconsiderate and backward, traveled to the 2 major cities of Korea (Seoul, Busan), spent quality time with old friends on the other side of the world, successfully navigated one of the world's largest subway systems (DC... you're like the country mouse of world subway systems), become extremely creative with cooking in the tiniest kitchen I (hopefully) will ever have, and clearly mastered the art of run-on sentences. :)

Let's just say for now that in a lot of ways Korea has been a battle of deciding who I want to be, and then acting on it. Do I want to just ride this year out, and try and avoid the discomfort that comes from getting out of this tiny square room I live in, or do I want to get messy and awkward and completely dominate the game of "guess what I'm trying to say to you without using any of the same languages"? That was a trick question. OBVIOUSLY I love playing the guessing game, and OBVIOUSLY I am really bad at being content sitting at home. Do I want to brush over tricky grammatical nuances and give these kids the gist of English or really delve into it with them in a school system that doesn't leave a lot of room for individuality in teaching style? (hint: that one's a lot trickier-- ENGLISH IS HARD and these Koreans are strict with their teaching schedules!) Do I want to suck it up and keep trying to enjoy kimchi or do I want to just stick to feeling slightly hungry after lunches at school? Ya... I'm thinking as of now that I'm not really ever gonna like kimchi. :)

A lot of these questions that I run into daily are really rather indicative of a lifestyle... and it's been challenging and interesting to realize that sometimes believing something is right doesn't make it that much easier to do. A basic life lesson, but one that still confronts everyone I think. Anyway, one of my goals this year is to really try harder to be deliberate in the way I treat people, do my job, and spend my time.

So, we'll see if this blog thing works out for me. :) As a parting gift, please be entertained by the travesties of name-spelling I encountered this week when I met some new students.....
Reachel
Cevan
Sarh (REALLY?!)
Ashly